the one about something i love

I love writing. I used to journal all the time. Right now the time to sit down and let the words pour out through my hand onto paper seems rare. I miss it, so I've decided to make a big effort to at least blog more. I've been reading blogs for a long time and I've had a bunch. I go back and forth between how easy I want it to be to find me in real life based on what's online, so I end up closing them down after awhile. A lot of bloggers are going more and more to podcasts or vlogs which are just not the same to me. I guess that's the point, changing with the changing times. But I still think there's a solid place for blogs.

I learned how to read around the age of 4 or 5. I don't remember struggling to learn. I do remember how much I loved that it opened up the world to me in a way I had no idea existed. I could do anything because now I could just read the directions and warnings on labels. I could get lost in someone else's story. I could live in fantastic worlds or learn more about the real one I live in. I could read out loud to share with others or I could find a corner to curl up in and let myself be enveloped by a good book. Learning to read was learning the best kind of magic.

When I learned that I am good at writing, that I can paint a picture for someone else, I can explain my emotions, I fell even more in love with that than I had with leaning to read. I'm such an introvert and feel so awkward around people I don't know very well sometimes. I have such huge thought processes that for a long time it seemed like a waste to not explain how I arrived at a decision, but as I've gotten older I've learned that part doesn't matter to most people. When I can sit and write, I can go back and revise my words for clarity or realize easily that I'm sharing too much. I like having memories kept safely on paper for myself. I knew I would fail at baby books, so for both my boys, I wrote them letters about the first 12 months of their lives. I created email addresses for each of them that I send notes to now.

I love a good conversation and hearing someone's thought process. We all seem to have less and less time for this kind of thing. But maybe if I start writing again, people can comment and we can have mini conversations. I think that would be good.

The one about Jerry Springer

I found a morning radio show that I love because it's fairly unpredictable and definitely funny with a lot of really good things mixed in. Helpful thoughts, doing good deeds, stuff like that. I will spare you the background story of why he was there, but recently they had Jerry Springer on and talked to him about a few different things. And at one point, one of the djs asked him since he's been doing his show for over twenty years now, does he think humanity has gotten worse through the years? I thought it was a great question, but his answer really astounded me. He said absolutely not. The change is that we broadcast our terribleness so much more easily now through social media, but we should remember that we had a Holocaust before we had Twitter.

This has haunted me a little bit since I heard it. I can't stop thinking about it.

I got the original Broadway cast recording of Hamilton and I can't stop listening to it because strangely a story set in the late 1700s and beginning of the 1800s is so amazingly timely. I hear them sing "we're so lucky to be alive right now" and it is striking because I often think the same thing. I didn't grow up embarrassing myself on social media but I'm comfortable enough with technology to have embraced the good parts of it now. I drive all over the place for work but never hesitate to do so because of my trusty navigation app. I'm old enough to not care quite as much about what other people think and to be able to glean wisdom from both my experiences and those from people around me. I do feel lucky to be alive right now.

We had a Holocaust before we had Twitter.

I think people are terrible. But I think there is so much good and beauty and love in the world that the terribleness will never completely overtake the good. For everyone driving like a maniac and assuming they are the only one on a time crunch and they are more important, there are two or three cars I see letting people merge into their lanes and other nice things you can do in traffic. For all the uncertainty about Trump actually being our President on Friday, nonprofits have seen a dramatic increase in donations and volunteers. Even as bleak and devastating and evil as the Holocaust was, there were so many quiet heros doing everything they could in their little corner of the world to not let evil prevail.

I believe in the good. There is beauty that will rise from ashes, always.

the one about starting crossfit

I kind of took stock of my life and pinpointed some areas I really wanted to change and just started making the phone calls and going to the places to make the changes. I can't tell you exactly why the switch just flipped, but I woke up and decided I was still scared of how much hard work everything was going to take but I was just going to do it anyway. That's how I now have a schedule that includes Crossfit at 530 am a few times a week.

That's ass early to go work out. I'm barely coherent because I'm not getting up early to caffeinate and pretend I'm human before getting in my mamavan and driving downtown. I am waking up, quietly changing into workout clothes that are essentially scrub pants and oversized t shirts, applying En-R-Gee on my toes, and sneaking out of the apartment without waking anyone up. I get there and I'm bleary eyed, but I'm determined. I sweat so much doing things that I don't think anyone else there sweats while doing, but I'm doing it. I know people have some very strong opinions about Crossfit, and that's fine and respectable. This was a good choice for me right now. I found a box that is incredibly supportive and never says a word about how slow I'm moving or that I'm still lifting just the bar, or whatever. They fist bump me when I don't argue about a WOD and just grit my teeth and do my best and I finish it. They push me just a little bit. And form is way more important than intensity. I don't know when I will feel like burpees are not mocking me as I do them. But I keep doing them. I feel the workout, but I'm not sore. I keep going back. I committed to myself to go 3-4 times a week for two months, and then go from there. I think it is very likely I'll commit another two months at that point, but also, I think it's okay to look at yourself and realize you have a very significant amount of weight to lose and you want to build strength and stamina to support your family life and your career choice and instead of looking at the ultimate goal just choosing something to focus on for a couple of months.

Today I learned how quickly someone will come to your aid if you go to do a back squat and squat only to realize you're not going to be able to stand up again. Tomorrow I hope to learn burpees have been cancelled forever.

The one about drama at work

Pediatric home health is a strange place to work because you're always in other people's homes. You have to hit the exact balance of professionally taking care of a medically fragile kiddo and having a relationship with the family. It's weird being in someone else's home and right in the middle of their life so much of the time. A nursing skill that is very important but not one of the ones that they teach you is to bring calm into the room by not falling into the drama. Drama of the situation, family members, whatever. It doesn't help to contribute and you might not be able to stop it, but you can diffuse it if you have the right knack about you. It's just extra hard when you're in someone's actual home.

I've never not accepted an assignment though. And I've had to address certain issues with a family or with my boss or with both, I've had to call CPS in, I've brought an entire bag of cleaning supplies to make sure a child had the best environment he could at least while I was there. So the other day when I emailed my scheduler to request to be taken off as backup for a case, she immediately jumped to action and offered to find someone to relieve me. The child was a pretty easy case as far as nursing care goes, but the family was set on bringing me into their dissatisfaction with other members of their medical team, asking me inappropriate questions that I didn't really answer but really just didn't even want asked, and ultimately what is kind of a short shift ended up being way more taxing than the long ass twelve hour shifts I do regularly.

I'm thankful to have a solid enough reputation to be able to politely ask to be reassigned and have it just happen. One of my biggest hopes is that I always have a reputation as a solid nurse, hard worker, and drama free.

I definitely have the best stories ever though!

The one about reading and oils

My oldest is 6 and in first grade. He started working on reading last year but this year is an even more concentrated effort. I think we all have definite strengths and weaknesses, and if we know our weaknesses, we can work on them or take them into account as we try to reach new goals. He's too young for that kind of introspection, but I know that one of his definite challenges is the idea he should be able to just do things right on the first try. So, naturally, he's looking for shortcuts on this reading thing. He's got the basics down, and is so smart that he'll probably get away with some things for awhile at school that he won't at home. I have the advantage of just having two kids instead of 25 like his teacher does, I'm not knocking school at all!

Last night, he was trying to read a box of Nerds where it listed the flavor: Seriously Strawberry. I was driving us all home, and he was spelling out words asking what they were. I asked him to sound them out and figure it out based on that. This ended with him so angry he was crying, and me wanting a glass of wine. He's just guessing words when he doesn't know them. I tried to explain to him that it's not going to get him anywhere. If he takes the time now to learn how to sound things out and then how to figure out what a new word is based on the rest of what he's reading, he'll be able to read ANYTHING. We can pick a book and read it together and watch a movie and then decide if the movie matched the picture in our minds and which one was better. He can read instructions on how to do something he's never tried. He can look up information about a question he has. But he has to know how to sound things out and not just guess in order to really unlock this reading thing. I'm sure we'll have to have this conversation or similar ones several more times before he finally gets it. Or just gives up trying to argue with me and tries what I suggested without letting me know that he's trying what I said to do. Motherhood is exhausting.

Later, I was thinking about how there's probably something I'm doing where I really need to take a step back and make sure I get the basics instead of trying to rush forward. I know the biggest reason S and I have such a hard time sometimes is that we are very alike. Not completely, but the stubbornness, the desire to be successful almost immediately, and not being afraid of challenges but not always knowing how to take them on are big personality characteristics we share. I was in my thirties before I realized I could ask for help and get it easily rather than trying to do everything myself or just failing at it. I hope he can get that lesson sooner, but I'm sure my dad felt the same way about me learning it.

I'm building a business through Young Living, and I love it and it's going well. In order to go back to nursing school, I need to replace my current income with something that allows me to attend classes on ground. I see that flipping rank two more times gets me there and I have all the foundation for that in place, I'm just not sure how to get from where I am right this second up two more rungs on the ladder. I can't do it by myself, I need other people on my team interested in and invested in running the business side of things. I'm learning how to encourage and motivate without push and overwhelm. And how to stay in my lane and not look too much at how quickly people around me were able to achieve this same goal. I'm on a team of people who work together and work hard and set goals and go past them, and I think it will do me well to remember that in the company overall, I've already achieved a high enough rank that Young Living sent me a certificate and a pin. That's nothing to sneeze at! The next rank up comes with an all expense paid retreat to the headquarters and some of the farms and distilleries. Except to hear more about how this goes, it's definitely heavy on my mind!

the friday five with my five favorite nursing notes lines

Friday Five time!

Here are my 5 favorite things I've included in documentation as a nurse:

1. The father of the child then yelled, "Here comes one of those dumb bitches who calls CPS on us all the time."

2. Cleaned up presumed rabbit urine and feces with saniwipes from underneath child's crib.

3. Asked pediatrician to explain pros and cons of putting apple juice in enteral feeding bags for patient per mother of child request to mother of child. Pediatrician confirmed nurse's instruction that no changes should be made to formula without instruction from physician.

4. Suggested adult family members smoke outside and not burn incense inside due to child's compromised respiratory status. Mother of child stated "That's not going to happen, a little cigarette smoke never hurt anyone."

5. Unable to enter residence until 50 minutes after shift started due to family forgetting this nurse scheduled today as well as not being able to hear doorbell, phone calls, text messages, or knocking.

The one about the west wing

I had this friend who I used to watch movies with almost every time we spent time together. At the time, one of my very favorite things was to watch a movie and then discuss it thoroughly afterwards. I liked the movies that were mildly controversial or had some deeper meaning that I was able to try it dissect after viewing. I liked the stupid funny ones, too, but it really was one of my favorite things to do dinner and movie, but the movie first. I was also super music obsessed at this point in my life, obnoxiously talking about artists I felt were far superior to the rest and always trying to find a new artist to tell my musician friends about.

So my friend who I always watched movies with once invited me over to watch a show with him called The West Wing. The whole reason he did was because it was a show that didn't use a lot of music and he wanted to make the point that television could be thought provoking and interesting without music. Ironically, it was an episode where a concert kind of happened in the background, but I did enjoy the new to me show.

Fast forward a bit and I'm living alone in Riverside again and staying up ridiculously late because that's what I did in my twenties, and I stumble across reruns of The West Wing and realize it's being aired on the weekends. I set up my VCR to record it, hoping to catch the pilot at some point. But I really love it even though I've started watching right in the middle of the series. Bravo, the tv network currently known for all shows being "reality" based, used to air like four episode in a row of The West Wing on Monday nights. It was the best! I move from all these reruns to watching the new episodes as they air.

This show was just so well written and interesting with characters that were flawed but trying to do good. Not in an earnest fake way, but in a deep meaningful, "I want the world to be better because ot this action" good. I loved the political manuevering, I loved the strong female characters, I loved that there really was a lack of music. It became my favorite show and I still watched all the reruns I could find because The West Wing universe was such a happy place to be. The show ended in 2006. I got a few of the seasons on dvd as gifts later on. Netflix added it to the lineup the first Christmas we had Netflix and I honestly considered it a Christmas present. I love The West Wing.

A few months back, Allison Janney had an opportunity to speak to the press room at The White House and started off pretending to be C.J. Cregg for a brief moment and it was a complete delight. I happened to see the clip someplace that had viewer comments and someone mentioned there was going to be a podcast starting soon called The West Wing Weekly.

I have to take a break from my longwinded story to tell you that I hate podcasts. I love music. Everyone got obsessed with Serial and my husband is constantly listening to the Joe Rogan podcast and I just can't. Blah. But, this is about The West Wing, so maybe it's worth checking out.

It's two guys who have known each other for ages, and one of them was actually on The West Wing for half of its run. I'm completely hooked from the first episode. They are watching one episode a week and discussing that episode with as few spoilers as possible. They encourage listeners to follow along, one episode at a time, and promise guests on the podcast ranging from actors to legislators. When I hear the first actor who had been on The West Wing gushing about what an incredible experience the show had been, I realized that podcasts don't suck. They can be uplifting and entertaining and completely wonderful.

If I designed a celebration of The West Wing, it wouldn't be nearly as perfect as the podcast is. I listen to the new episode every week with utter delight, probably looking like a giant weirdo in my mamavan as I drive, listening, laughing, tearing up, the whole nine yards. I don't even mind being stuck in traffic that much because it means more listening to it in one piece rather than in chunks.

Because of The West Wing Weekly, I am open to podcasts. I went to a conference at the beginning of September where a very successful entrepreneur suggested to me that I be more intentional with my time and listen to podcasts when I can to learn things and raise my personal potential ceiling. I still need to write about this conference, and I totally will, but this in particular was phenomal advice. I wouldn't have been that open to it if I hadn't have recently discovered podcasts could be really fun and interesting.

I have other favorite tv shows that I will watch over and over again, but none of them have had the deep and lasting impact on me or brought such interesting and worthwhile things into my life the way The West Wing has.

And that is my love letter to The West Wing, The West Wing Weekly, and Netflix.